I WONDER AS I WANDER ... From Fear to Courage
As I write these words news is filling air waves and television screens about the shooting of 32 victims at Virginia Tech, what is being described as the greatest tragedy of its sort in United States history. Parents are describing their fear as they wondered if their son or daughter was in the classroom building where the shooting occurred. A student tells how she is unable to sleep or eat or be alone as she recalls seeing the gunman's face before slamming shut the classroom door where she and other students pushed a table against the door, holding it in place with their bodies while bullets shot through the door above their heads. One can only imagine the fear that moved through them, even while courage helped them to think through a means of safely barricading themselves. Courage, even in the midst of fear.
These fifty days between Easter and Pentecost are ones in which we are invited to move from fear to courage. Initially the response of disciples to the crucifixion, and even to the resurrection, was one of fear. But the story the church tells in these days is how frightened disciples, huddled behind locked doors in an upper room, gained the courage to move out into the streets with a message of good news, a story of hope and joy and possibility.
Over and over in the scriptures, both Hebrew Bible and New Testament, the words "Do not be afraid," "Do not fear," "Don't be frightened," are offered to those who are confronted by that which causes them to pull back in uncertainty and hesitancy. Take the Gospel of Luke as just one example. In the first chapter, a messenger from God tells Mary not to be afraid, for outside of marriage she will bear a child who is God's Word to the world. In the second chapter, the messenger gives a similar message to frightened shepherds in a field, "Don't be afraid! I am here with good news for you – and for all people." Fast forward to the day of resurrection, as at an empty tomb a group of women encountered "two men in bright shining clothes." The women, so the gospel writer says, were "full of fear," when they were given the good news that the one for whom they were looking was not among the dead but with the living. That night the disciples were gathered together, terrified, when Jesus appeared among them, acknowledged their doubts, and showed them his hands and feet as assurance.
This list could be duplicated in other parts of scripture. We've heard it over and over. But still we are afraid. When we encounter that which is unexpected in our lives, a diagnosis of cancer or the sudden loss of a job for ourselves or a loved one, we become afraid. When our churches struggle with finances and think only of survival, the members and leadership often become afraid. When we face the possibility of a move to a new setting or the imminent loss of a pastor and the coming of a new one, we may become afraid. When we struggle with the possibility that the conference of which we have been a part may not look the same in a few years, we become afraid. (Supply your own fearful situation.)
Fear is a natural part of life – and can be healthy when it means that we are alert to things to which we need to pay attention. Fear may be the spark for courage. But if fear paralyzes us, it becomes unhealthy. Such fear removes our possibility of vision for ourselves or our community. God does not desire for us to be immobilized by fear. God promises to go with us through the valleys of deepest darkness which we encounter, and to give us courage as we go through times of doubt and uncertainty. In this Easter season, as you contemplate the doubts and fears which confront you, as you hear news from Virginia or Iraq, Washington or London, hear again the voice of God, "Do not be afraid. I am with you."
Madeleine L'Engle, science-fiction writer, poet, and lay theologian, has written "My faith in God, who is eternally loving and constant even as my understanding grows and changes, makes life not only worth living, but gives me the courage to dare to disturb the universe when that is what el calls me to do. Sometimes simply being open, refusing to settle for finite answers, disturbs the universe. Questions are disturbing, especially those which may threaten our traditions, our institutions, our security. But questions never threaten the living God, who is constantly calling us, and who affirms for us that love is stronger than hate, blessing stronger than cursing." (A Stone for a Pillow: Journeys with Jacob, p. 140)
In these great fifty days, hear God calling you from fear to courage. Hear God inviting all of us to respond to fearful situations with the awareness of God's presence in the midst of our questions and life's changes and challenges.